Osama Bin Laden
c/o Central Intelligence Agency
Office of Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20505
Mr. Bin Laden,
I'm sorry we haven't gotten around to killing you, but it's time you knew why.
Remember the caves of Tora Bora, where, according to CIA officer, we had you pinned back in December 2001? Remember how you were able to escape because our military wouldn't send the extra troops the CIA requested?
Now let me ask you: Do you think that was a mistake? Do you think the United States of America---with it's special forces, spy satellites, UAV's, and intelligence-gathering capabilities---can't find one sickly, freakishly tall multimillionaire with whom it once enjoyed close ties? I mean, honestly, Mr Bin Laden.
Truth is, you've been a pawn in the in the most successful covert mission in history: "Operation Make More Terrorist," an ingenuous strategy drawn up by America's top minds on the morning of September 12, 2001. Its six objectives:
-Fail to capture Bin Laden at all costs, allow him to achieve mythic status.
-cover up the 30 year Bin Laden Bush oil business family ties.
-Invade a Middle Eastern country with no ties to 9-11.
-Wait until 2005, then disband the CIA unit assigned to capturing Bin Laden.
-Win the war on terror, (using the endless war on drugs as a model).
Now can you imagine what would've happened if we'd killed you at Tora Bora a scant two months after September 12, 2001? Or if we'd focused our military might on Afghanistan instead of hunting for make-believe WMD's in Iraq?
Exactly. It would've been a catastrophe. but fear not, Mr. Bin Laden. As of this writing, you're in your early fifties. Considering your health problems, family history, and lifestyle, I give you another thirty or forty years tops. So take that.
Just keep on truckin',